Car Alarms


I’m going to put this right out there. Car alarms are worse than useless. Being worse than useless is pretty bad. I’ve had experience with car alarms, as most of us probably have, and I can tell you they are the most annoying thing ever invented. Most if not all new cars now have alarms on them. I did a little research and I’ve found that they are not an actual safety feature. Which means that you can legally disconnect them. In fact there are many You Tube videos showing you how to do that. But just wait. Someone, sitting behind a desk, somewhere in a big office building with nothing to do except look for things to do will one day decide that an alarm on your car is a safety feature and it will become illegal to disconnect it. Why? Money. That’s why. If they can make money off it, they will. Just like the air pressure sensors in your tires. You know, the little sensors that tell you on your dash board how much tire pressure you have. Did you know they are considered a safety feature? Oh yes they are. Which means that whenever you buy new tires you also have to put in a new sensor because they are almost always bad. And they cost $50 to $75 dollars each. Mmm Hmm.

Have you ever been in a parking lot when a car alarm goes off? I did an experiment once. I stood by my car and push the alarm button on my key. Or at least it’s called a key. You know, the giant black thing they give you when you buy a car now days with buttons all over it and a key sticking out of the end? Yeah, that thing. The thing that’s too big to fit in your pocket. I pushed the alarm button, and waited. While I was waiting I looked around. No one came to my rescue. No one helped, no one came to see if I was in distress, or if I was being killed or robbed. Not even one person turned their head to look in my direction. Even though the button on my key thing says PANIC, in large, unfriendly letters, no one panicked. Why? Because no one cared about what was happening. Now this says a lot about human nature, which I won’t get into, which is odd for me because I love to talk Philosophy, but I’m staying on topic here. No one came.

Car alarms are worse than useless because they are the most irritating sound in the world. I Googled, “the most irritating sound in the world” and found videos from the movie, “Dumb and Dumber.” The Jim Carrey character asks the other character (Jeff Daniels) if he wants to hear the most irritating sound in the world. Then he makes the sound. I have to admit, the sound he made was pretty irritating but car alarms are worse. Just about every time one goes off, the owner of the car is nowhere to be found. Which means the alarm just keep going with that incessant beeping for what seems like forever. Eventually, the alarms quit on their own, I’m told. The car manufacturers probably did a little research of their own to determine how long it would take for you to be robbed or killed and then timed the alarms to shut off shortly after that. I mean, once you’re robbed or dead, there’s no more reason for the alarm right? No sense wasting the battery on someone who’s dead.

The second most annoying thing ever invented is the thing that makes your horn beep when ever you use the lock/unlock feature on your key thing. You have to work early in the morning. You go out and unlock your car and BEEP!!! you wake up the whole neighborhood. I mean, why not, right? If you have to get up before God, why not everyone else? I disconnected that stupid little thing. Ha! Power to the people! I shake my fist at car manufacturers. I’m taking back my life, I say. I disconnected your stupid little gadget! Let them just try to make it a safety feature. Let them try.

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