Hello again, it’s me, coming to you from my self exile, inside my house. I spend my days, reading, writing, watching television. I walk on my treadmill, do yoga, and talk to friends and family over the phone, or by texting, video calling, and the like. I go to the grocery store a couple times a week, and daringly, a book store occasionally. I wear a mask. I social distance, and so far, have not gotten the Covid 19 virus. I’m waiting for the vaccine. This is my life now. I long for the day I can see my kids and grand kids again. I want to hug them, hang out with them, feel like I’m a part of their lives again.

Recently, someone I know died, by suicide. She wrote poetry, and by her words I deduced that she probably suffered from depression. I also know that there is depression and addiction in her family. I missed her celebration of life service because I got the date wrong, although, I’m not sure I would’ve went. There would’ve been lots of hugging, and I’m worried about the virus. I’m 64 so I’m in an age category that’s more risky than if I were younger.

My wife had depression, and she dealt with it heroically. She was able to talk about it, embraced that she had it, and that it ran in her family. Being able to do that, helped her a great deal when it came to getting through bouts of it. Medically, I don’t know much about depression, but I can tell you from her problems with it, it can be devastating. There were times when she was so depressed, she felt as if nothing would ever be better again. Nothing I could say or do would help. It was simply the way she saw things, the way her brain told her it was. Then, she would come out of it, and realize that things do get better, and look back on the episode and not be able to understand why she felt that way. It was as if it were a different person was feeling what she felt. Depression is not the same for everyone, however. Some people can’t come out of it like she did. I’m not sure medical science will ever be able to understand the mind. We can land rovers on Mars but we can’t understand our own brains.

In my last post I mentioned that I recently read Margaret Atwood’s novel, The Handmaid’s Tale. Shortly after I read the book I discovered that a television series was made based on the book and I’m now in the middle of watching that. It’s brilliant. It is amazing how people can do the most horrible things to others while believing that what they’re doing is good. Good for the country, for the world, and even good for those whom they are doing the horrible things too. It’s also amazing that people can be led to believe that they deserve the horrible things that are happening to them. The actors, writers, and really, everyone associated with this series are brilliant. The show is on HULU, so if you have that, I highly recommend The Handmaid’s Tale. The human mind is an amazing, scary, wondrous place to explore.

I’ve always been a fan of Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and horror, books and movies. I’m often told that others don’t like those genre’s because they’re scary. What scares me, are things that have the potential to be real. Books and movies about murderers, rape, serial killers, crime dramas, and all the horrible things that can befall people, because of what other people do are the things that are really scary. Movies and books about the supernatural, monsters, and aliens, aren’t scary to me, because I know they’re not real. It’s just fantasy. The Handmaid’s Tale is about ordinary people who believe they’re doing the right thing while committing atrocities against others. That, is scary, because it could actually happen. It makes me wonder just how close we came to losing our freedom during this last presidency. All it would have taken was backing from the military to produce a dystopian society of cruelty. I hope that something has been learned from it.

One comment

  1. Pandemic has made this a tough time, and to suffer from depression sets you apart even from those who struggling with things OTHER than depression.

    Liked by 1 person

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